Vow writing guide
Of all the moments in a ceremony, personal vows are the ones guests remember. They’re also the part couples most often tell me they’re nervous about. Here’s the good news: personal vows are completely optional, there’s no right or wrong way to write them, and genuine always beats polished. Here are some tips to get you started.
1. Know what vows mean to you
Personal vows are an intimate moment in the ceremony where you exchange your own promises and commitment to one another, in your own words. They are completely optional, and traditional vows are just as valid as a choice. Personal vows are separate from the short legal vows which is the wording required under the Marriage Act.
2. Sit with it for awhile
It can take a little while to really put into words what your partner means to you, and to stay true to who you are as a couple. Give yourself a few weeks to sit with it, and start noting down your thoughts. With Celebrant Chloe, I need your final vows 2 weeks before your wedding, so I can prepare your vow cards to bring on the day.
3. Agree on tone
If you want your vows to be light-hearted and funny, that's great. If you want the vows to be an emotional moment, that is great too. Just have a conversation with your partner first so they know what to expect. Think about what percentage of your vows will be heartfelt versus funny.
4. Run a word-count check
With Celebrant Chloe you have access to your private portal with vow writing resources and the ability to compare your vow word count against your partners. This is an important step to make sure you and your partner are roughly on the same page for length. This way, one of you isn’t left standing there for an extra three minutes. Aim for around one to two minutes each, which is roughly 150 to 300 words.
5. Use vow writing resources
A nice way to open is with your partner’s name. From there consider:
Think of the moment you first laid eyes on your partner. What did this feel like?
Share what’s changed in your life since meeting them. How have they shaped your life, and how you’ve grown as a couple.
Talk about why you are marrying this person. What do you love most about them?
What does your future together look like. What promises do you make to each other?
Finish strong like “I love you” or “I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you”.
6. Don’t be afraid to add a little humour
Small and specific details make your vows feel like yours, and a touch of light-hearted humour helps both you and your guests relax. Just keep the jokes gentle. Like “I love the way you dance in the car and sing at the top of your lungs”.
7. Practice out loud
Read your vows aloud, and more than once. You will quickly identify where the vows' natural flow may be clunky, and can make changes. You don’t need to memorise your vows as you will have them on the day, but practicing can help you feel more confident on the day.
8. Still feeling stuck?
With Celebrant Chloe, I am always here to give advice on your personal vows and to help with proofreading. Remember, your partner just wants to hear, in your words, why you chose them. You’ve got this!